Today I was dubbed a member of Team Good Fatty because I do stuff other than sit on the sofa and eat chips all day. (Though in truth I do my fair share of couch-sitting-and-snacking.) In the past I would have felt proud, maybe even excited about being judged as such, but now I realize how this type of thinking is part of the whole shaming of people who don’t fit into the small, ridiculous category of “acceptable size”.
It was a moment I could have used to share the idea that all activity levels are just fine, that me doing stuff like belly dancing, bike riding and Tai Chi doesn’t make me inherently better than any other person. Being someone who chooses to move my body doesn’t make me a “good fatty”, it just means I am one of the folks who have made such a choice.
But I didn’t say anything.
Instead I’m sitting here writing this.
And feeling guilty for it.
Like I missed an opportunity to open someone’s mind, maybe helping them to stop shaming others, maybe even helping them to feel better about themselves, help them stop the cycle of judgment that makes us hate our bodies and ourselves for not fitting into single-size clothing.
But I also require myself to be kind… Even to myself. And in that spirit of self-kindness, I forgive myself. I will even celebrate the fact that my attitude and mindset has changed in relation to this topic. That I, myself, am becoming free of the thoughts that have helped me to hate my body and myself.
Today was a win.
Not for being “awarded” a place on Team Good Fatty, but for having the personal belief that no such team exists.
I’m fat and I’m winning.
I welcome the reminder.